This is it. First day of college. First day being in adult limbo. Mom and Dad are gone. You are your only safety net now. Sounds easy enough. I’ve always been by myself. I mean obviously mom and dad were there too I mean go figure but you know what I mean. I don’t really need anyone or anything to make it by (minus family income). Maybe this came at a good time, you know? Like I’ll finally “find myself” or
something? I can finally be fully alone and do my thing. There will be unadulterated peace. Luckily, I skipped out on orientation week because.. um... I just don’t want a rerun of last time. I know how to make myself comfortable. I know how to secure myself. I’m here. Five minutes til class. I can grab a coffee.
I order a tall decaf with skim milk. That seems standard enough. No one can make fun of that. Okay, time to wait. Suddenly, this girl taps me on the shoulder. She tells me she loves my backpack. It was a run-of-the-mill navy colored Jansport, strange that she complimented but beautiful that I was blending in. Can’t start on the wrong foot. College stays with you. Just like high school. I immediately turn away from her to terminate the conversation. She asks me what my name is simultaneously as my coffee order is handed to me and I bolt like a greyhound.
I can’t stop running. I see the classroom. Just keep your mouth shut and no one will hurt you. My teacher makes everyone move their chairs so that we form the perfect semi circle. She tells us to state our name, major, hometown, and a fun fact. One by one, my skin recoils. It just keeps getting closer. I can’t. They’ll laugh. I can’t. The boy sitting next to me starts to speak. Maybe this time will be different. Give it a go maybe. My mind encourages me but my body tells me otherwise. I shake as if I had just been taken over by pneumonia. People are noticing I just know it. I know they’re watching. He gets to his fun fact. I sprint out of the classroom until I’m down the block and on the bus ride home. I left my backpack. I’ll buy a new
one tomorrow.
something? I can finally be fully alone and do my thing. There will be unadulterated peace. Luckily, I skipped out on orientation week because.. um... I just don’t want a rerun of last time. I know how to make myself comfortable. I know how to secure myself. I’m here. Five minutes til class. I can grab a coffee.
I order a tall decaf with skim milk. That seems standard enough. No one can make fun of that. Okay, time to wait. Suddenly, this girl taps me on the shoulder. She tells me she loves my backpack. It was a run-of-the-mill navy colored Jansport, strange that she complimented but beautiful that I was blending in. Can’t start on the wrong foot. College stays with you. Just like high school. I immediately turn away from her to terminate the conversation. She asks me what my name is simultaneously as my coffee order is handed to me and I bolt like a greyhound.
I can’t stop running. I see the classroom. Just keep your mouth shut and no one will hurt you. My teacher makes everyone move their chairs so that we form the perfect semi circle. She tells us to state our name, major, hometown, and a fun fact. One by one, my skin recoils. It just keeps getting closer. I can’t. They’ll laugh. I can’t. The boy sitting next to me starts to speak. Maybe this time will be different. Give it a go maybe. My mind encourages me but my body tells me otherwise. I shake as if I had just been taken over by pneumonia. People are noticing I just know it. I know they’re watching. He gets to his fun fact. I sprint out of the classroom until I’m down the block and on the bus ride home. I left my backpack. I’ll buy a new
one tomorrow.